MySpace Safety

This is my third article dealing with Myspace safety issues. But while my other articles address all you Myspace users out there, this one is for those of you with younger siblings on Myspace.

You guys might be wondering why I’m writing to older siblings instead of parents. Well, truthfully, I really hope that parents will read this, too. But many times, the reality is that kids are much more computer-savvy than their parents. Which means that you older sibs might be in an even better position to protect your younger siblings’ Myspace safety than your parents. After you read this, you can share it with Mom and Dad, because even you might not be aware of just how vulnerable younger kids are when they play around online.

See, Myspace safety has become a real issue for parents, and I understand why. Although I started this site as a result of the questions I get from my sister Laurie's friends whenever I go home, the truth is that I had another motivation as well: Myspace safety. I wanted to start a site that would provide quality editing and ideas for Myspace users, without exposing them to the violent and sexually suggestive graphics that could compromise their Myspace safety. That's why myspacemix doesn't link to any websites that offer those kinds of graphics.

I confess that I've never been a parent. But I've given a lot of thought to Myspace safety, and did some research, too. I took what I learned, combined it with my own personal experience with Laurie's friends - and came up with the following measures that parents can take to ensure their kids' Myspace safety.

A note about age: Practically speaking, these precautions are for minors. College-age kids - especially if they're out of state or living away from home - are basically on their own. The only thing parents can do is make sure their undergrads know how to keep themselves safe online, which is why we have two online safety articles that are addressed specifically to that age group [and specifically NOT to anyone underage].)

1) It seems to me that the most important thing parents can do is talk to their kids. Find out, in a friendly way, if they have a Myspace page, and why. Kids need to feel that their parents trust them, and are just acting responsibly to ensure their safety - not to snoop or intrude on their privacy. Like my parents say to Laurie, "We trust you. But there are people out there who want to take advantage of minors, and you could innocently post something that would attract their attention, even if you don't realize it."

(Older siblings can help out here, too, because sometimes your kid brother or sister might be more comfortable talking about their Myspace stuff to you than to your folks.)

2) Once you've established this base of trust, tell your child that you want to periodically check their Myspace page for material that could potentially attract the creeps out there. This is a tricky business, though; it's very hard to walk the fine line between protecting your children and respecting their privacy. In a way, kids use their Myspace pages the same way they would rant to a friend. When they're angry or frustrated with family members, teachers, or whatever, they might let the steam out on their Myspace page. That's the first problem: How to make sure that your child isn't posting potentially dangerous material without taking that private space away from them. The second problem is how to educate your kids to behave responsibly online without becoming policemen. After thinking about it - and discussing it with my own parents - it would seem to me that there are two general ways to handle this problem.

Way #1: This is for parents who can honestly look over their kids' Myspace pages just to check for pictures, without reading the comments. If you can do that - or if you can take the heat in case you do happen to read a comment or two and not let it affect your relationship with your child - then the following method might work for you. Sit down with your kids and tell them something like this:

"We understand that your Myspace pages are a place where you communicate with your friends, and just like we don't eavesdrop on all your conversations, we don't want to intrude on your private Myspace area, either. However, your page is also open to the world, and just about anyone can communicate with you through it. As parents, we have a responsibility to protect your safety. So here's what we're going to do. We will be making periodical checks of your Myspace pages for the sole purpose of making sure that there are no pictures or graphics posted that could potentially attract any of the creeps out there, like predators and child molesters. At that time, we will NOT read the comments posted on your page. If we see any pictures that we feel need to be removed, we will let you know, and you'll have 24 hours to remove them, as well as any comments you feel are private and you wouldn't want us to see. After those 24 hours have gone by, we will make another, thorough check of your page to make sure that all the material that could endanger your safety has been removed, including explicit comments."

Way #2: If you know that you won't be able to keep yourself from reading all the comments, and even reacting to them or letting them affect your relationship with your child, then maybe you should try the following: Give your children 24 hours notice that you will be checking their page. Tell them you understand that their Myspace page might include private, "between-friends" comments, and that you respect their privacy. Therefore, you are going to make a deal with them: They can remove any private comments, but they must not remove any pictures or graphics. That's because you want to be able to see the kinds of pictures and graphics they've posted; otherwise, you'll have no clue as to whether or not they might be endangering their safety. Obviously, you have to know your child and be able to trust them that they'll keep their end of the deal. If you're afraid that they might post all kinds of provocative pictures and just take them down each time before you check, then tell them that once a month, you will be making a surprise check, and that there will be consequences if you discover that they've been posting potentially dangerous material behind your back. Again, stress that your only interest is in protecting their safety.

3) On a note, parents can keep all home computers in a public place. Kids will be less prone to posting problematic material if they can be viewed in real-time. There are also monitoring software programs available (such as Spectorsoft) that log all incoming and outgoing activity from the computer, and are extremely powerful. The knowledge that all their cyber-activity will be monitored and reviewed can be a very strong deterrent for kids.

Very often, older teens – like senior high school age – have a real need for a private computer that is always accessible. Here’s a plea to all those older sibs in that position: Don’t let your younger siblings use your computer to circumvent your parents’ rules. No matter how much they might plead and beg, don’t give in – you will be compromising their safety.

4) According to Myspace's terms of use, one must be 14 years of age or older in order to use the site. If your child is under 14 and has a Myspace page, simply email the company at customercare@ myspace.com. Include information on the child's member name and unique Web address, and Myspace will remove their profile.

5) Even if your child does have a private computer in his/her bedroom, please, do not under any circumstances allow them to have devices such as Webcams. This is a major draw for pedophiles and predators, and if they get in touch with your child it could be months or years before you'll ever know.

For more information on how to keep your child cybersafe, you can utilize organizations like Wired Safety, which has a very comprehensive Internet-safety website.

In addition, the National Center for Missing and Exploited Children (NCMEC) has a website as well, with very practical information and true stories on how to keep your children safe. Go to Missing Kids.

If you are an older sibling and you suspect that a younger sister or brother might be involved in dangerous online activity, don’t hesitate! Tell your parents immediately, and urge them to take action.

If you suspect that your child has been or is in contact with a pedophile or child predator, you can contact your local police, contact the FBI or you can also call the NCMEC's CyberTipline at 1-800-843-5678.